About mister coilon

Coilon is a noun meaning testicle, and I aim to post complete bollocks.

Barbara Adair on The 9 Lives of Ray The Cat Jones

Stewart Home headstand

Stewart Home headstand

“So what is the text about? There is a story; the story is of the life of Ray the Cat Jones. It progresses in a linear fashion, Ray Jones is born to a working family in Wales, and then later, after many adventures, he dies of cancer. Ray Jones is a cat burglar, he is also a victim of the vicious exploiter of the working class, the British bourgeoisie, (and he is Welsh and we all know how the English hate the Welsh -‘sheep shaggers’, so he is a victim of racist bigoted loathing), but he is a righteous man. And so he takes a stand, he is, (becomes) a person of agency, he knows he does not want to die in the coal mines of boredom and pain, so he steals from the rich, why should a ‘toff’ have a full belly and the poor man one groaning in hunger. Furthermore his dreams of one day being a professional boxer are thwarted as, just as he is making it on the boxing circuit, he is set up by some lackeys of the bourgeoisie, (those who are employed to protect wealth and property, uphold unjust laws, those who have ‘sold out’, grassed their spirit to slothful owners), a ‘plod’ (‘rozzer’ ‘old bill’ ‘fuzz’) and so spends time in jai…” Read the full text here: http://sensitiveskinmagazine.com/the-9-lives-of-ray-the-cat-jones-a-novel-by-stewart-home/

Above: Stewart Home doing a headstand in front of one of the 13 pieces by him in the group show In Praise Of Laziness at Trade Gallery in Nottingham on 1 November 2014 at the exhibition opening. Photo by Bruce Asbestos.


Loving Dalston on The 9 Lives of Ray The Cat Jones


“WHO KNOWS the truth about Ray “The Cat” Jones: the world’s most notorious burglar or a small-time jailbird loved by journalists grateful for his exciting yarns about robbing the fabulously rich?

So writer Stewart Home has chosen to tell the master thief’s story as a novel rather than a documentary book.

The 9 Lives of Ray The Cat Jones tells of a Ray Jones, who nearly became world middleweight boxing champion but instead turned into the greatest-ever cat burglar, stealing jewellery from megastars Elizabeth Taylor and Sophia Loren, the private papers of the Duke of Windsor, paintings by Rembrandt and the furs of the London upper-class women, often approached via the rooftops of the Mayfair district.

Ray’s carefully targeted burglaries are perfectly planned and thrillingly executed, as is his jail breakout, one of the most stunning in recent English penal history.

All of the extraordinary incidents figure in the real life of the now-dead (natural causes) Dalstoner…”

Read the full story at Loving Dalston.

Above Stewart Home holds up the special edition (sold out) and ordinary edition of his novel The 9 Lives of Ray The Cat Jones. You can order it online from the publisher Test Centre.

Dennis Cooper on Blood Rites of the Bourgeoisie


“Blood Rites of the Bourgeoisie is also an anti-novel that travels through the murky terrain of invisible literature. Its author, admired by fellow awkward-squad members Iain Sinclair and Tom McCarthy, has produced an exhilaratingly squalid volume. It is almost wholly bereft of any conventional narrative arc and is best understood as a plunder-text cannibalising and reworking the language of emails, spam and pornographic discourse in the service of a mordant satire of the contemporary art world. It’s unlikely to get its author invited on Start the Week. And yet, while it’s crude, as childish as Viz, and may very well have been slung together over the course of a long weekend, it’s also as funny and as critically incisive a work of para-fiction as I’ve read for some time.” Read the full review here!

Above Stewart Home photographed by Stewart Home on 14 September 2014.

McKenzie Wark on Mandy, Charlie & Mary-Jane


Mandy, Charlie & Mary-Jane is a either a campus anti-novel or an anti-campus novel, or both. It is an anti-novel in the sense that it has no interest in the novel’s conventions. Characters are mere cyphers. There’s no ‘fine writing’ in its description. The anti-novel is relentless in its refusal of a redemptive dimension to the ‘literary’ as that which sets its petit-bourgeois readers above the world of capital and violence.

It’s fitting then, that its setting is the campus. If the literary was one space of petit-bourgeois redemption, the campus has remained the other. As if by the teaching of culture, a realm of aesthetic contemplation could be carved out of a venal world. Its striking how, in the English context, cultural studies never got that far away from its original impetus in the work of F. R. Leavis. Home’s book is about the death of that impetus, and its replacement by a purely market-based hierarchy of cultural values.

Read the full review here!

Above Stewart Home at Project Number Gallery in London during the Foam exhibition in which he participated.

UKIP Sour Grapes


The ‘expert’ bullshitting team at UKIP have just unveiled their latest creation – non-alcoholic whinges and wines. The Patriot’s White and Bombasting Against The Reds are premium blends of carefully selected sour grapes from a collection of grumpy old men who are so senile they might as well be dead. Experience the dead hand of tradition weighing like a nightmare on the minds for the living – all courtesy of the people who are putting the poop back into party politics (UKIP).

The Patriot’s White and Bombasting Against The Reds are available at a street corner near you (as long as you live in a UKIP selected backwater in middle England).

The Patriot’s White: A refreshing blend of sour grapes with zesty grapefruit, gooseberry and fig flavours, and a long rant to finish.

Bombasting Against The Reds: An intense range of sour grape flavours with black cherry, blackcurrant, chocolate and cedar notes. Round and soft with great acidity and the usual bum note to finish!

Please bullshit responsibly. The law does not permit persons under the age of 18 to indulge in party political bullshit. UKIP discourages you from indulging in Euro vices such as drinking wine – a beverage produced in many European countries but not by tradition in the British Isles. UKIP believes true patriots drink beer and that Britain can proudly claim its place as the most obese country in Europe thanks to its consumption of pints!

Vote Now! Don’t Wait Until Election Day When It Might Be Too Late!

Want 1000 Facebook Likes? Why Not Pay To Fail?


The piece of spam below for buying Facebook likes and Twitter followers is one of the most expensive ‘offers’ for this con I’ve ever seen. But what amazes me even more is that it is worth some scammer offering this service because you’d think everyone would know by now that you don’t just need likes on Facebook etc., you need to get the people who’ve liked you to interact with you page for it to be effective in building your ‘brand’. If those that have liked your page don’t interact with it you’ll actually be penalised by the Facebook algorithm – they test how popular each of your posts are by putting it in a few newsfeeds of people who’ve liked your page. If those people then don’t like or comment on your post it doesn’t go anywhere much else unless you pay Facebook to put it in more newsfeeds.

If you buy Facebook likes then the fake profiles that have ‘upped’ your popularity aren’t going to interact with it. It is better to have fewer likes from people who are actually interested in what you do than to pump up your apparent popularity with bought likes. Besides which, it is better to be unpopular – immediate success is just a sign of fitting in too well with trends in contemporary culture and is a sure fire indication that there will be no lasting interest in your schlock.

And notice that the scammer(s) who sent out this message have even put a copyright notice on it. Newsflash for would-be ‘business people’ – even in a capitalist society you can’t copyright material connected to a scam. The ‘service’ you are offering is not just worthless, it is actually damaging to those that ask you to perform it for them; and it breaks Facebook/Twitter rules. Even in a capitalist society you can’t copyright material connected to this type of scam.

Subject: Want 1,000 Facebook likes / Twitter followers?
From: Chris @ Simple Leicester info@simpleleicester.com
Date: Mon, April 28, 2014 12:23 pm
To: (email address removed)

Hi Bunny Space

I hope you’re well. I’ve been told that you are currently a decision maker for STEWART HOME SOCIETY.

Not happy with your current Facebook or Twitter numbers? We will add 1,000 likes or followers within 72 hours!

Has your Twitter followers or Facebook likes saturated? And no matter how hard you try it’s not increasing at the rate you want?

Today we can give your Facebook or Twitter profile a boost and increase your respective number of Fans or Followers within 72 hours, often within 24!

What we’re offering today

1. We will add 1,000 likes or twitter followers

2. We complete our work within 72 hours

3. We do not require any passwords or login credentials

4. All work is lifetime guaranteed

5. All work is completed discreetly and professionally

6. Finally, you do not pay us a penny until we’ve completed our work! (Normally we require full payment upfront)

Okay, how much will it cost once completed? We’re honest and transparent. Once we’ve completed our work for 1,000 likes or followers, we will invoice you for £199 + vat.

What if for some reason you’re unhappy after completion? We’d like to think this won’t happen, but in the worst case scenario if you’re not happy or have not paid the invoice within 7 working days, we will remove our likes and followers.

About Simple Leicester To date, we’ve added over 1m likes and followers to our clients Facebook and Twitter profiles. We are a UK business and have worked with PR agencies, online shops, music labels, film distributors and companies like yourself. We have capacity to add 70,000 likes or followers per month. We want to work with businesses that are conscious of their online reputation and understand how important a good Facebook / Twitter page will reflect on their business.

The Next Steps: This email has been sent to over 10,000 businesses within the area, however we are limiting this offer only to the first 20 requests, on a first come first served basis (where we will complete the work with out any payment upfront!). So please do be quick, or forward this on to the relevant decision maker. You can reply to this email and one of my account managers will pick this up or you can give them a call.

1. Reply to this email

2. Request online – http://www.simpleleicester.com <http://simpleleicester.com/marketing/facebook-twitter&gt;

3. Call us on 01164 105 105

Copyright © 2010-2014 Simple Leicester. All rights reserved.

Berkfield Ltd T/A Simple Leicester • Company No. 08392298

VAT Reg No. 156489764

T: 01164 105 105

E: info@simpleleicester.com

A: Berkfield Ltd, The Dock, 75 Exploration Drive, Leics, LE4 5NU

Spencer Grady On Stewart Home’s Proletarian Post-Modernism Spoken Word Album


“Word assassin Home bungs up rapid-fire orations with randy readings from past works, frothing up nasal torrents like some a cappella Whitehouse circa Bird Seed… Loki-limpet rants are interspersed with hectic phallocentric headstand hectoring and book-shredding subversion… a sophistic screed from one of his better known works – 69 Things To Do With A Dead Princess (2002) – on Jennifer Lopez’s considerable ass, recalled by a dickless ventriloquist doll locked in a boot of a car, along with various hyperbolic filth scenes, raise wry chuckles from listeners forced to acknowledge the divisions separating the delicate art of pretension from plain pretentious art. You follow?”

Read the full review here!

Above Stewart Home in Arte Studio during the 9th Neoist Festival in Ponte Nossa, Italy, on 4 June 1985.

Paul St John Mackintosh On Stewart Home’s Proletarian Post-Modernism Spoken Word Album


“I can’t find a single thing to fault in Home’s analysis (emphasis on the anal there, guys), of Martin Amis, Will Self, and much of the supposed New Lad Chic writing of a generation of British writers now well into their later years. “They were backward, stupid, reactionary and posh. The only reason they’re hogging the field is that they all went to the same public schools and university colleges as the people in publishing. But their writing is completely boring and virtually unreadable. Amis is just a right-wing twit, more interested in his teeth than anything else.”

Stewart Home still looks infinitely better than these withering hothouse growths. His promo video for Proletarian Post-Modernism consists basically of a fetish scene with porn star Gina Snake. His tribute to the cult of Diana the Blessed Martyr, 69 Things to Do with a Dead Princess, is published by top Scottish literary house Canongate Books. He does both art and literature “but I’ve had bigger arts prizes than I have literary ones.” What more do you need to know? Isn’t that edgy and stimulating the way that writing is supposed to be?”

Read the full blog post here!

Above Stewart Home selfie in a pair of Hypnotic Action Glasses.

Huw Nesbitt Talks To Stewart Home About Proletarian Post-Modernism & Other Things!


Stewart Home is a novelist, poet and artist from South London. Since 1988 he has published 32 works of fiction and non-fiction, covering subjects as varied as 20th century Marxism, skinhead culture, continental philosophy and the meaning of sex and death under capitalism.

Existing at the fringes of the mainstream literary world, his novels read like a collision of Jonathan Swift, William Burroughs and Jean-Luc Godard. In 69 Things to Do with a Dead Princess (2002), a suicidal man moves to Aberdeen and investigates a conspiracy theory claiming that Princess Diana’s corpse was dragged around Scottish stone circles until it fell apart; in Down & Out in Shoreditch Hoxton, prostitutes make startling pyscho-geographical discoveries; and in his most recent, Mandy, Charlie & Mary-Jane (2013), he subverts the campus-genre novel and populates it with zombies.

His long writing career hasn’t earned him a place in the literary establishment, but it’s unlikely that he cares. After the publisher of Down & Out went bust, Stewart went on tour, shredding copies and giving readings of the book, one of which is on a new spoken word record, Proletarian Postmodernism. He’s also known as an artist, winning the prestigious Paul Hamlyn Award for visual art last year.

I gave him a call to speak to him about his career and the world.” Read the full piece here!

Above: Stewart Home attempts to get inside his laptop. Photo by Stewart Home’s laptop.

Promo Video 2 For Stewart Home Album Proletarian Post-Modernism


Stewart Home’s new album Proletarian Post-Modernism made Gina Snake piss herself – it’s so funny that you’ll wet yourself too once you order your copy here: http://www.testcentre.org.uk/test-pressings.html

Now you’ve watched a hot girl urinate support the artist behind this video by buying his record, and maybe even some of his books too! And while you’re at it don’t forget to check out some of the other videos on his YouTube channel – you might like the promo videos for the novels No Pity and Red London, as well as the prank calls to prostitutes there under the titles Sex Talk With A Hooker and Atomic Sex! And of course if you dug our female desperation video for Proletarian Post-Modernism, you’ll absolutely love the related promo Navel Torture With Porn Star Gina Snake!

But you can’t watch this video on YouTube anymore, Google banned it! Stewart Home says on his Vimeo channel where you can now see it: “This is my third video to be banned by YouTube, I’m putting all of these on Vimeo so that we can see the shape of YouTube/Google censorship, and the view when you look at all three of my banned videos is pretty ridiculous. Like the previous two bans, this one was rejected as ‘content inapprorpriate’ mostly due to American moralism I guess. This video was made with the intention of putting it on YouTube because as I understood their rules it stayed within them… but of course Google seem to like blocking this type of video if it is picking up hits quickly as this was, since they don’t fit the corporatisation of the world agenda to which this reactionary internet giant subscribes. I would not have placed this video on Vimeo for public consumption had it not been banned by YouTube, but since I’m documenting my YouTube bans here this needs to be added. The video was uploaded to YouTube on 8 January 2014 and pulled on 18 January 2014.”

Additionally WordPress have banned several Stewart Home blogs including his “Stewart Home Nude” project which has been reposted to LiveJournal with new additions once Home had reposted all the original material. Catch that here: http://stewarthome.livejournal.com/